It happened somewhere around a conversation with a single friend...
So, if you don’t know this about me I’ll let you in on the news. I believe in practicing a sexless lifestyle. I’m a practicing Christian who doesn’t believe in premarital sex. Most of my friends believe this also.
Today a friend sent me a message, “I came up with something cleaver… you can have a pretty face and a beautiful heart, but if you ain’t giving up that @$$, you ain’t getting no man.”
While my initial reaction was to laugh out loud, I quickly told her that I begged to differ. My counter-argument was that when I got married, I was able to get a proposal and marriage without giving up the cookies.
But as we talked more about the situation I couldn’t help but acknowledge that women, like my friends and I, are in a different dating pool than others who don’t practice a celibate lifestyle. I began to rationalize that for celibate individuals to have more success in dating they must surround themselves in circles of likeminded individuals.
But let’s be real… Do you know any good celibate Black men? Asking for my friend.
I know… me neither! *insert emoji shrug*
Which brings me to another conversation this friend and I had. The backstory. Last month, I expressed interest in producing movies, and at the suggestion of my dear friend, she said that maybe I should start off with a web series first. I thought this was a great idea and begin to ponder concepts. As I picked her brain over what type of show I would produce she offered another suggestion – a dating show.
I sat in the idea for a day or two and realized that I didn’t think a dating show was something that I wanted to produce. She had a soft rebuttal to my hesitation which was, people like her, who are having a hard time dating, need a show to help them find love. She didn’t say it quite like that but that’s what I understood the gist of her rebuttal was.
While I understand where she is coming from, part of me hesitates to get that involved, openly, in people’s relationships. I don’t like the idea of my friend being publicly vulnerable in that area. Now, I have reached out to a friend or two on her behalf. Even still then, because I’m not her, I was choosing a guy that I liked for her and not necessarily who she may have liked personally. And then for the guys I was choosing for her, I may have been completely off and maybe she wasn’t their type.
At that point I chose to stop being a private match-maker because I began to feel like I would be the cause of one of the party’s feelings being hurt, or worse they absolutely hate each other.
So what do we do? How do we help our friends find love everlasting? Are we interfering with God’s work? Does God even approve of such match-making? Am I making too much out of it?
These are all questions I have. You see, I’m just as invested in my friend’s love life as she is. Mainly because I’m the listening ear to all of her dating woes with potentials and dreadful f-boys. I get sick of her getting her hopes up, only for some jerk to let her down. You see what I just did there? The guys probably aren’t even jerks, but I get just as hurt when her relationships don’t work out as if it was me.
So what the heck do we do?
Like for real, this is a serious question. Where are all the single, celibate Black men? Do they exist? I don’t really have to ask if single, celibate Black women exist because we see posts about it all the time. But I’m asking about the men. Do you know any? If so, can you tag them?
We live in Chicago, so some eligible Chicago tags would be great – I’m not playing.
Every time my friend and I talk about her love life I try to stay optimistic. I want to ensure that I’m giving her hope that her waiting is not in vain. But I’m starting to believe that I’m lying to her. Y’all this is such a serious plea. Please reassure me that I’m not lying to my friend. Also can y’all point her in the direction to where she can meet such men?
Sincerely, asking for my friend.