It happened somewhere around a confession of love...
My Pastor preached a message on Sunday. A powerful message that convicted me.
But, yet, there still is a struggle between the heart and the logical understanding of God’s word.
Let me get this out the way so I can get into the gist of my post. I absolutely, unequivocally, unashamedly, believe in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I couldn’t care less about those who say I’m foolish to believe in a White man’s religion or slavery religion– I know what the power of God, through his son, Jesus, has done in my life. I’d never ever deny that power.
So what exactly is an unbeliever?
According to the Bible and the church, an unbeliever is someone who doesn’t believe in God’s Word AND/OR the Gospel of Jesus. An unbeliever could even be those who go to church but don’t live a righteous life according to the Word.
The categorization of an unbeliever can fall into so many different definitions – it just depends on where you stand in religion.
…but I’m in love with an unbeliever.
As a sold-out Christian woman who has been taught to walk in holiness and sanctification and taught to wait on a sanctified man, I can say that I haven’t followed this rule as of late.
So here’s the question: Why do church girls fall for men outside the church? Because I know I’m not the only one.
The answer is so easy.
THERE ARE NO MEN IN THE BLACK CHURCH!
I speak specifically to race was a Black woman and dating in the church because this is often a topic of discussion when it comes to the Black Church. Our Shepherds and Collectives of Mother Boards preach to us about waiting on our Boaz (in my case, I’m actually checking for David). But as we sit and wait, years and years go by and we’re constantly asking God, “where is he?”
*Sidebar: The preaching of our Shepherds and Mothers is not wrong nor false – this issue is a matter of the heart and the flesh.
Even those who aren’t pigeon-held to religious beliefs struggle when it comes to dating. But those that practice religion often deal with double whammies – especially in the Black Church.
I used to be very strict about who I dated. If you didn’t love Jesus, I wasn’t thinking about you. But then……. something happened. It wasn’t that I got tired of waiting, but I fell into a state of rebellion against “Church Ideology”. I went rogue and later found myself caught up.
I still loved Jesus, I still loved fellowshipping in the House of God, but I was sick of all the rules. The rules meant that I would probably end up alone because the truth of the matter is: MOST BLACK MEN DON’T LOVE JESUS AND HAVE NO LOVE FOR THE CHURCH. I understood this. This is reality and a fact that I’ve learned to accept.
Upon acceptance of this ideology I think I developed a whatever attitude when it came to dating. I decided to explore.
In my exploration I justified my dating experience with this thought, “I was once an unbeliever. God still chose to love me and called me out of darkness. Who am I to judge?” I purposefully chose to look at the heart and look beyond what a person believed in - even if that meant they didn't love Jesus. I once didn't love Jesus but it didn't stop God for reaching out to me. I was a good person before Jesus, so who’s to say that an unbelieving man couldn’t be good for me, even though he struggled in religion?
But as the one whom I love once told me with assurance, “In this relationship there are only one of two things that’s going to happen. Either you’re going to come down to where I am, or I’m going to come up to where you are.” He understood that, in essence, we lived on two parts of the world. We both was drawn to each other... for some reason.
I thought I was strong. Lust proved that I wasn’t.
As the Bible says, “take heed to thyself.” (1 Corinthians 10:12 – please go and read it).
Church girls fall for unbelievers and yoke themselves up with them because we want companionship too. We get tired of just hanging with our girlfriends and going to church. We get sick of seeing everybody, but us, get married.
Some foolishly tell themselves that they can get an unbelieving man and pray him saved. My advice to them is, sis, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. You’re better off just loving him as he is if you’re going to subject yourself to the relationship.
In my case, I ain’t trying to pray anyone saved. My thought process is, “hey, that’s between you and God. I just want to know are you going to love me and keep your penis in your pants?” My eyes are wide open to whom I am with and the possibilities of outcomes of this relationship.
Do I want him to come to church? Absolutely.
Do I want him to be on the same page as I am spiritually? Absolutely. And I'm sure he wants the same. The one whom I love tells me all the time he wishes I was "woke". But I am...
Am I willing to give up the relationship because we are, according to the Word, unequally yoked? I haven’t gotten there yet. Neither has he. You know why, because he know Jesus is who is making me the woman that he's drawn to. #catchit
But in the end, if I really look at what I want out of marriage I want a household on one accord. Because how can two walk together except they agree? Right?
So again, why do church girls fall for unbelievers?
We fall for them because they’re available and persistent.
We fall for them because they’re charming.
Often times, we haven’t been out on dates in months, sometimes years. And it’s refreshing to us when a guy comes up to us and flatters us. We think to ourselves what’s the harm in going out on a date? He’s nice. He’s morally decent. What's the big deal?
That one date leads to more dates, those dates lead to enjoying their company more, the enjoyment leads to a relationship.
Then you got the relationship with this man, then boom your family is asking you, “does he know Jesus?”
Uhhhh, yeah about that…
I’m sure I haven’t really answered the question, but now you understand some of the factors that play into it.
When church girls chose to serve the Lord is one of our sentences of salvation is that of learning to accept in the back of our minds that we may end up alone?
Trust me, I’m not challenging the idea of waiting on a sanctified man. I hypocritically will still tell a woman of faith to wait on a man that loves the Lord.
But in the end, are we choosing a possible loveless life for Christ?
Those that have been blessed with mates in the church this is not for you. I wrote this for the hundreds of women who are, with all their hearts, listening to the leadership of the Word and faithfully waiting on that Man of God.
I wrote this for them because I truly understand their plight. I understand how, in the end, they chose Jesus and that unbeliever after so many years of waiting of a man that loves Jesus who never comes.
Thanks for listening!!!