Circa Soul: Today I'm Not Feeling Pretty

Updated: Jul 3, 2018

It happened somewhere around a Mary J. Blige song...

Today I’m not feeling pretty. See I’m feeling quite ugly.

I’m having one of those days when I can’t make up my mind.

So don’t even look at me.

One day while having a moment, the lyrics from Mary J. Blige’s song PMS popped in my head. At that time I had a full on natural twa (teeny weeny afro) and was experiencing bloating from being on my menstrual cycle. But what stuck out to me was my natural hair.

I am natural by choice. I love the freedom of being natural. But sometimes, I’ll be the first to admit, being natural can give you a stronger look than what you’re going for - and not in a good way. Sometimes I look in the mirror and think that I need to put on some mascara and lipstick to feel attractive.

How do you manage not feeling pretty even when you’re being who you want to be?

Often times, I have brief moments of indecisiveness and say I should relax my hair to give me a softer look – but then I’m always convicted because I honestly do love my natural hair. I was having a very candid conversation with another fellow natural and we confided in one another that, on sporadic occasions, we wonder could our natural hair be making us less attractive to men. But the strong woman in me says, well if I need to have relaxed hair to get a man’s attention then I need a man that finds beauty in me in my current state and not when I’m the ideal standard of beauty.

I think it’s perfectly fine for a woman to rock her hair in any way that makes her feel good about herself. I, myself, will be growing my hair out, and while doing so I will be rocking crochet-braids and quick weaves – because that’s my preference and it helps me not to grab scissors when I’m in that awkward phase of hair growth. But what I’m getting at is, be your own ideal standard of beauty and not what the masses claim beauty to be.

It’s OK to have moments of insecurity - I think everyone has them. Especially women, when we gain those extra pounds during our time of the month or when acne is on our faces just simply from the shift in hormones. It’s OK if today you’re not feeling pretty, just as long as today doesn’t turn into days, weeks, months, and years. At which point then we need to have a conversation, Queen.

But don’t get it twisted, my self-esteem stays at a level 10 because I know who I am. But just understand that, today, I’m not feeling pretty…

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