It happened somewhere around confession...
Since December 16, 2018, I have been humbly getting on my knees and praying before God. And my life has been changing.
Let me help you understand why this is significant.
I have always prayed and have had a mind toward God. Before December 16th, I’d pray anywhere, but only in my head. My lips would not part, at times, to speak audible words unto the Lord.
I counted on the Lord being able to hear my thoughts. Sometimes when I was alone in my car, I would pray out loud. But this would mostly be to pray with for son before school.
My thoughts always stayed toward God, but my lack of prayer life was a clear indicator that something had changed with my relationship with him.
Let me step back even further. I have been saved since 2005. When the Lord first took over my life I prayed always. Submissively before God, on my knees, I would pray. In the mornings, dropping to my knees before my day got started. At night, falling to my knees repenting for anything I wasn’t aware of that I had done wrong in his eyesight, and thankful that I made it through the day.
Somewhere around 2017, I wasn’t on my knees anymore. I found myself praying silently and more casually. Somehow, I’d convinced myself that I didn’t need to get on my knees anymore. I cared to pray but believed that lying prostrate before God wasn’t necessary anymore because he knew my heart.
***Disclaimer: Yes, it is ok to pray without kneeling. God will hear the prayers of the sincere. Keep reading so you can see where I’m going with this.
Yeah, he knew my heart alright. My heart was in a rebellious state. I called myself breaking free from the rules.
God is my father. I am his daughter. I’ve been saved for 13 years now. I guess in spiritual terms I was having a temper tantrum with the Lord. All because I didn’t get my way about something.
I’d forgotten about all the things he’d done for me over the years. Forgotten about all the grace and mercy extended to me. Instead of counting my blessings, I was counting my disappointments, failures, and what wasn’t happening in my life.
I was being a spoiled brat.
Due to my rebellion, I’d find myself in situation after situation, but God continued to bail me out. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME!
Financial issues. I’d get in a bind, in need of some help. My sales from my business would pick up out of nowhere or someone would give me a financial token. It would be just enough to fix the problem – God!
I fell to fornication a few times. Should have been pregnant a few times, and Lord knows I don’t want another baby – God!
Needed a job. Literally, one fell out of the sky – God!
Got careless with a situation and wasn’t doing what I was supposed to do. Should have lost everything by now – God!
Though I recognized that it was God fixing things, I didn’t see his love and what he was doing for me.
He was trying to get me to see his grace and mercy so that I could repent. He didn’t like me in the state that I was in. He wanted his relationship back with me.
There is a scripture in the Bible that says, “with loving-kindness have I drawn thee.” (Jeremiah 31:3, KJV). God extending grace and mercy to me when I didn’t deserve it was his way of showing me loving-kindness. But I couldn’t see it.
On a few occasions, I’d have moments of regrets about things I was doing and acknowledged to God that I was a mess. But the acknowledgments didn’t lead to a change of heart.
I knew I needed to do better, but I didn’t know how.
December 16, 2018, something struck me – I unknowingly discovered my superpower. I looked in the mirror, and I didn’t see the glory of the Lord resting on me anymore. I finally saw my wretched self. I knew the lack of God’s presence was due to what I’d gotten myself involved in over the past year.
That evening before I went to bed I said out of my mouth, “God, I’m going to get on my knees tonight to show you I’m sincere about prayer and my relationship with you.”
During that prayer, God met me. I hadn’t felt God in that way in a long time. He gave me two revelations: one about a personal relationship with someone and the other was reminding me of why it was essential to kneel before him.
Naturally so, whenever we bow to someone or kneel before them, it’s a sign of respect and honor toward that individual. We respect their authority and contribution to our world.
Kneeling before God in prayer is the same. My physical act of getting down on my knees let God know, at that moment, that my heart was changing. It showed him that I finally got it.
At first, I didn't realize the transformation happening right at that moment. But after continually getting on my knees to pray every day after that night, I began to see a significant change in me toward God.
It’s just something about purposefully getting on your knees to pray. Your entire mind, body, and soul involuntarily fall into submission to the Holy God that you believe has complete control over your life.
To force yourself to kneel before anything and anybody is an act of submission. God hears a submissive heart. Just think about it for a second.
While God still has a lot of work to do to undo the damage I caused over the last 2 years, every day God is turning something around for me.
God promises us that our cups will overflow. I haven’t been able to reap these benefits of his promises lately because of the messes he has to fix.
But I know that as I keep coming before him and striving to seek his face things will only get better.
Right now, I’m in a state where he is just making everything alright. My needs are supplied at the bare minimum. But don’t feel bad for me because I deserve it.
But as I continue to use my superpower of repentance and striving to enter in at the strait gate(Matthew 7:13, KJV) things will only get better. I can see myself going from barely having my needs supplied, to my needs fully being furnished, to my cup running over.
God desires that my cup runs over. Because I’m a product of him, he wants me to have the characteristics of him. One of those characteristics is that I’m able to bless people in my life.
The more I redefine my relationship, the more I will be able to pour into others. I believe that is what I was put on this earth to do. My spiritual gift is the gift of intercessory prayer. There are so many people out there counting on me to pray for them. And it’s imperative that my prayers get through to God.
Walk with me on this journey to prayer and repentance. My superpower is getting stronger and stronger, day by day, and I can’t wait until it manifests into its fullness.
Thanks for listening!!!