It happened somewhere around deciding not to get married last year...
Can I tell y’all a secret?
I could have been married for about a year by now. For a quick second I said yes, then thought about it and made the brave decision that marriage, to that person, wasn’t the right decision. I was planning to secretly elope last year. It wasn’t a secret because I was trying to hide anything, but more so because it was my business to keep. I didn’t want anyone’s unsolicited opinions – and to be honest I was just doing me. But in the end, I knew that it wasn’t God’s will.
Part of my life’s journey for 2018 has been full of self-discovery, digging deep into the word of God on a natural level, and understanding the depths of relationships – in all facets.
Yesterday someone posted a meme on Facebook, see below:
I looked at the meme and honestly, I agreed with it – on both sides. But what got to me most is what the man said. “Women marry who they can – if they can”. Wow! That’s deep.
But you want to know something? Just last week I was thinking about my current relationship and I have been talking to a friend about a woman’s help matching a man’s need. In my own personal conversation with myself and with God, I had concluded that until a man has a need for that woman, she’s just sitting there waiting to be chosen. I remember saying to God that a man chooses his wife, but the woman must agree and want him for that marriage to take place…
Quick Bible lesson: Genesis 3:18 And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
Before God gave this commandment, Adam was given charge to dress and keep the Garden of Eden. He had charge over all the animals and work of the Garden, but clearly, he needed help. Eve was the divine help to match Adam’s needs.
What do you think? Do you agree with that notion?
Let’s go back to the woman’s help matching a man’s need statement. The Bible says a woman is a helpmate. If a woman is called to help a man, it means he has a need. Because we’re all different and no man has the same exact needs as the next, it means that there’s a special woman that God has created for him. She has the help to match his specific needs. I don’t really think that most people understand this.
Maybe there’s something innate in a man that understands this subconsciously, but because he’s not in tuned with himself, he philanders around recklessly in search of this help. Something inside him understands he has needs, but he doesn’t really know what they are. #getintunewithyourcreator
I was telling my friend that I understood, as a woman, I have a special help for a special man’s needs. Had I understood this when I got married the first go ‘round, maybe I could have been more introspective into my own life and who I was as a person. And then also truly looking into the man I was marrying, outside of the eyes of lust, and could have determined that my help wasn’t designed for his need. Just maybe… thinking out loud.
Because of the elevated shortage of available men in the dating world, I understand how the gentleman concluded that women marry who they can. Because let’s be honest, men are not so quick to ask you for your hand in marriage. They can be with you for 10 years and still be unsure if you’re the woman they want to settle down with. So with some women, especially those who’ve experienced extended droughts of loneliness, marry who they can (i.e. the first man who asks for their hand in marriage). In their subconscious I’m almost positive they’re saying to themselves, “let me just gon’ head and marry this man because I don’t know when the next one will come along if I let this one go.”
Sidebar: don’t be the woman they settle for!
Chime in at any time and let me know if I’m off…
So back to my other comment, that a man chooses a wife, but the woman is the one who has to agree to it. Hence, him asking for her hand in marriage, and the joy and excitement that “she said, yes!”
Do women understand this power? I think most men arrogantly expect and believe that a woman will ALWAYS say yes. Because let’s face it, not too many men are asking us to be married – and men know this. Therefore, they play with us and take their precious time. They know they have all the power, and honestly, I feel they abuse it.
Even the Bible agrees with the message that the woman must agree. Hence, 1 Corinthians 7:39 she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord. #catchit
I believe that if men were not so confident in a woman’s automation of a yes to a marriage proposal that they would be more selective in the dating process and in their pursuit for the right woman.
Which brings me to the thought that women shouldn’t be out here marrying who they can, but it should always be marrying who they want.
Now, I’m not saying that there are so many women out here that are currently married to just any Jack or Harry. Or that they just grabbed the first man that proposed. But I’m sure there may be a woman reading this right now, silently acknowledging to themselves that had they been given a choice their current husband really is not the one.
I know for sure I don’t want to marry who I can, but I most definitely want to marry who I want.
I think it’s a special thing when a woman can really look deep into a man and see his needs. Then have the magical ability to look within herself to acknowledge that she has the help he needs and want to give it to him.
But I also believe that it’s brave of a woman to have enough wisdom to recognize that her help doesn’t matches his needs. It’s brave to make the choice to stay waiting. Rather than just say yes all because she doesn’t know when the next proposal will come along.
Thanks for listening!!!